How To Put Pride Aside and Ask For Some Damn Help!

Listen Queens, we are magic! We make shit happen and get shit done! There is no question that women are strong and do anything we set our minds to. We do EVERYTHING! You can’t name one thing that women don’t do. We literally have super powers. Like, some of the things that I have done and see other women do and accomplish are truly coming from supernatural powers.

And the fact that we have and continue to understand how magical and powerful we are, we keep evolving further and further into impractical levels of independence and “I’ll do it myself-ness”.

Let’s be clear, there is nothing wrong with being independent. In this Queendom, we celebrate and honor independent women. Hell, I AM an independent woman. So, we would never depreciate the ability for women to take care of shit themselves. However, just because we have learned that we CAN do it all doesn’t mean that we HAVE to do it all. For some of us women (and I know because I used to do this ALL the time) the strength that we have developed, uncovered, and inherited has caused us to stop asking for, expecting, or even wanting help in some cases. I know, I know… some of us are going to say that we stopped asking for help or don’t need help because we can’t depend on others to help us. I get that, and I am not going to argue that it’s not true. I know for a fact that for some women, not asking for help is a result of being let down multiple times, so instead of dealing with the rejection of people not doing what we asked or helping when we needed it, we have become the “I’ll do it myself” kinda woman.

My point in writing this blog is that asking for help is still one of the most underrated and underutilized benefits of relationships and friendships. And I am sure that most (if not all) of you have people in your lives that love and value you, and those same people WILL help you… if you ask.

And don’t sit here and tell me you don’t need help.

Yes. You. DO.

Everybody needs a little help here or there every once in a while. We were not created to do life alone. So, please get rid of the stigma that needing help is a sign of weakness. And please let go of the habit of not asking for help because of how other people let you down in the past. Oh, and try not to allow the way you were raised or the fact that “you don’t need a man” and “if you want it done right then just do it yourself” to keep you pigeonholed in a limited mindset. Help is not a bad thing. No one, and I mean NO ONE, succeeds completely on their own. And I am no bible thumper by any means, but even the bible says “Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.” - Matthew 18:19. In other words, it is meant for us to have assistance. Yes, we CAN do it all alone, but with help, we can be more efficient, more effective, more productive, more motivated, more prosperous, more, more, more, more. Always remember Queens, people, relationships, and friendships are not requirements, they are life and experience enhancers.

So, for those of you who I have convinced that you need some help and for those who know they need or want help, let me help you get out of your own way and learn how to get over your fear, pride, or shyness and ask for the damn help! Here are 5 steps to ask for the help you need and get it!

1. Identify the reason that you are currently NOT asking for help. As you Queens all know, (well, that is if you listen to the All Queens Army Podcast) I preach that understanding why you do what you do, or why you DON’T do what you don’t do, is the first step towards changing a habit. You must get to the root of why you make certain decisions before you can change the fact that you make those decisions. So, in order to identify the reason that you are currently not asking for help, I recommend that you do some self reflection to uncover whatever is preventing you from asking for what you need. Remember, as I stated above, one of the biggest reasons why lots of women stop asking for help is because of the number of times that they have been let down or disappointed, and other women are just plain scared of dealing with the rejection and vulnerability that asking for help can create. So, to stop NOT asking, figure out what your reason is for not asking and try to change the perspective or thought process regarding that's preventing you from reaching out for help.

2. Identify the people in your life that you trust. This one is simple and straight to the point. Who do you trust? Who in your life is dependable? Who is good at the thing that you need help with? And, if you say “no one”, then that is a different problem that we will discuss on a different blog or podcast.

3. Write down the areas in your life in which you need help. You all should’ve known it was coming, lol. Writing things down is a life hack that I’ve talked about multiple times, on multiple podcasts, and in multiple blogs. When you write things down, you are brain dumping and freeing your mind to prevent overwhelm. But, more importantly, for this particular situation, writing things down allows you to organize your thoughts, ideas, and things you need/want to do.

4. Identify the activities that someone can do to help. When you go to ask someone to help you, you have to be able to give clear direction and be concise about what you want. So, to be prepared and assume a positive response when you ask - be ready to tell them exactly what you want/need. People are more willing to help someone who can quickly and clearly explain what they need.

5. Ask. Reach out to the person (or people) who you trust that you identified in step 2 above. Call them, or ask in person. A good best practice for asking for help is not to text or email. Text and email can come off in the wrong tone because people can not see you to read your body language. So, it is important that you use your voice and ask the person for the help that you need. Keep in mind, asking will continue to be hard and may even make you feel anxious or scared when you attempt to start that conversation if you have not properly executed step # 1 above. Remember, self reflection is the key to uncovering what emotions and fears are holding you back from asking today, so don’t skip that step. And, if you need a little guidance with doing self reflection, you can download our free self reflection exercise that will guide you through the steps successfully.

So, there you have it ladies. No more excuses for taking on more tasks that you need to, no more reasons to continue to feel overwhelmed with all the things on your plate, no more procrastinating, and no more foregoring much needed sleep just to handle your tasks solo. Queens, help is beneficial. Two or more is better than one. Leverage the people who love and value you, and remember, if you don’t ASK, the answer will always be ‘No’.

Ask for the help, Queen. You deserve it.