Lessons Learned During A Challenging 90 Days

Every time I write a blog, record a podcast episode, or create a new course; I always say that I am not only speaking to and motivating you all, I am also speaking to and motivating myself, because I am still a work in progress.

Believe it or not, the content that I have created over the past year has helped me in ways that I never thought possible. I have experienced lots of growth and evolved in many areas of my life and it has not been an easy road.

Specifically, this last 90 days has been one of the most eye-opening periods of my life. A few close relationships were severed, other relationships grew stronger, and my fortitude and tenacity was tested.

I learned some things about people close to me, but more importantly I learned some things about myself. Here’s what I learned.

1. I am NOT arguing with anyone about anything. Talk to me calmly and with respect to resolve issues or don’t f*cking talk to me at all. Ever.

2. When I need a break, I’m taking one. Period.

3. Not everyone gets to have access to me. Some people don’t deserve my energy and I will gladly preserve it for those who do.

Now, let me tell you why the above are lessons.

#1 is a lesson because people will try to bait you into arguments. Remember, people who are in storms do not like to be the only ones getting wet. The unhappiness, pain, bitterness, fear, judgements, self hate (I could go on and on with more negative energy, but y’all get the point) that they are living with has to go somewhere… and since we know that energy can not be destroyed they only have 2 options, to change it or transfer it. So, if the person is not changing, they are likely looking for someone to transfer that shitty energy to.

How can they transfer that negative energy to me (or you)? - By participating in or responding to negative conversations, arguments, gossip, or any other open portal of emotional engagement.

Why is this a problem? - Because the person baiting you into the argument or any other type of emotionally harmful conversation is dumping their negative energy onto you. They are pulling you into their storm. They are causing you to feel the same fears, insecurities, bitterness, self hate, self doubt, low standards, and low worth that they feel about themselves. They are pulling you down to make themselves feel better, literally using you as a dumping ground to rid themselves of toxic energy, emotions, experiences, pain, guilt, trauma, etc.

How is this harmful to me (or you)? - Because these types of people, relationships, and conversations are hurtful. They cause trauma, low self esteem, low self worth, and disturbances to your mental well being and peace of mind. It causes us to have ONE MORE thing or person that you need to heal from and I truly feel that we ALL have enough shit to heal just based on our upbringing and life in general. No one is worth adding more trauma to work through. F*ck that!

How did I put a stop to it? (and how you can too) - Delete. Block. Cut the ties. Chuck ‘em the deuces. Adi f*ckin os amigos. Peace out. Bottom line - cut contact with them. That’s it. That’s all. Period.

#2 is a lesson because burnout, exhaustion, overwhelm and depression is real! Life and responsibilities tug us left, right, up, down, and all a f*cking round. The expectation of a woman in this raggedy ass world is abnormal. But so many of us weather the storms and carry the loads graciously so our families, jobs, kids, friends, and the rest of the world do not see when we are struggling to keep it all together. And we ARE expected to keep it all together, otherwise get labeled as weak, difficult, bad moms, we get shamed, and the list goes on.

All of that pressure to be “strong” can cause a mental breakdown, depression, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. So, it is important that when we need a break, we take one immediately. This is called self preservation. This is called being aware of your limits, needs, and the necessity for recuperation. This is accepting that we, as women, are not immortal or superhuman. We need to rest. We need to rejuvenate. We need to care for ourselves as our FIRST priority. Because you can not take care of anyone or anything else if you are beat down, exhausted, overworked, undervalued, depressed, and/or on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Bottom line - when you need a break, take it. Don’t feel guilty either. You come first. Always.

#3 is a lesson because simply, not everyone deserves to experience what you bring to the table. This is the same concept as lesson #1. This is all about knowing your own value. When you recognize the wonderful attributes, positive interactions, and pure positive energy that you bring to relationships, jobs, environments, and people’s lives in general - you will realize that not everyone is deserving of your light.

Some people thrive in darkness. So, let them. Don’t join them. And don’t allow them to bring you into their misery.

People, jobs, situations, and relationships should DESERVE you before you are willing to share yourself. I mean, think about it. If someone is incapable of loving you, but you are a natural giver of love, does that person deserve to come into your life, soak up all the love you have to give, literally drain your love tank dry while not giving you any love in return - do YOU deserve that? Hell NO! So, they don’t deserve you! Period.

So, those were my lessons over a difficult past 90 days.

I will say tho, I am grateful for the challenging periods of life because they provide a chance to learn, grow, and evolve. They create major shifts, advancements, and opportunities to do what you’re accustomed to doing differently. They open my mind to new possibilities, beginnings, and endings. They are blessings in disguise.

So, this is my “Thank You” to the universe for loving me enough to teach me, advance me, stretch me, and help me move closer to my highest self!

I hope this resonates with some of you beautiful women out there.

Love y’all. Mean it!

Breezy Phoenix