A Guide To Letting Things & People Go More Easily

Have you ever heard of the saying “the trash took itself out”?

I had always heard it, and never thought much of it. That is, until one day I had some “trash” in my life (that I didn’t even realize was trash) take itself out, and then VIOLA - total fucking light bulb moment.

There are just some relationships, situations, and circumstances that no longer serve you; and as a matter of fact, they may be holding you back.

So, what does that old adage “sometimes, the trash takes itself out” mean? And, how does it apply to letting things and people go easily? Well, the “trash” that this saying is speaking of is most often people, relationships, situations, circumstances, jobs, friendships, etc. And those things “taking themselves out” means that those things have actually left your life on their own, without you having to kick them out to make them leave. Many times this happens when we stay (or allow things or people to stay) in a situation past it’s expiration date. And, yes! People, situations, circumstances, relationships, jobs, etc HAVE expirations dates in your life. Not everything or everyone is meant to be with you for a lifetime.

Trash taking itself out of our lives IS the easy way to let go of things and people. Why? How? Well, because letting go, cutting off, walking away, or closing the door on a chapter is not easy. That’s why you’re reading this blog - because you are looking for a way to cut ties with something or someone… and if it were easy, you would've done it already. So, to make ending a relationship or situation easier, you can accept and embrace when those things take themselves out of your life; and YES - they DO take themselves out, the problem is you don’t see the trash as TRASH nor do you see the out as the END. But, if you learn how to recognize the “trash” in your life and also learn to recognize when said trash has walked out, you’ll soon see how easy it is to close the door behind it and… VIOLA! You’ve let that person/situation go… and you didn’t even lift a finger, or have a confrontational conversation, or a big blow out fight, or (and this is my favorite) the guilt/second guessing wondering if you did the right thing.

Step 1:

Let’s get into the most important step of letting things and people go more easily - and that is to identify the trash. Here is my easy, straightforward, no fucking nonsense definition of trash:

Trash in your life is a person/people, place, thing, or energy that disturbs your peace, mental wellbeing, mental health, happiness, self esteem, self worth, or financial stability in a negative way.

Unfortunately, many of us tolerate trash in our lives. Hell, some of us even love trash. And this is why many of us aren’t able to see when trash takes itself out - Cuz our boundaries are too loose and we tolerate too much and we think things/people will change. So, the first step to letting things and people go more easily is to identify the trash in your life, then ask yourself why you are tolerating it in the first place.

Step 2:

Now that you have identified the trash, next we’re going to identify is what it looks like when it has taken itself out (we need to identify this because many of us don’t see these scenarios as trash escorting itself out of the door because our society has made bad behavior and high tolerance for bullshit normal).

So, here it goes…. Here are examples of trash taking itself out:

1. Your attempts to talk to someone about how they make you feel or your boundaries are met with excuses, deflecting, arguments, hanging up on you, ghosting, or any other negative response.

2. A person, situation, or relationship is no longer (or may have never been and you’re just realizing it) reciprocal. Meaning - you are always the giver but you are rarely the receiver of any of the things you need from a relationship or situation. If you feel like you are constantly pouring into the person/relationship/situation, but it is not pouring back into you, then it’s draining you.

3. You have been betrayed or being manipulated by a person/situation.

4. The person/situation does not show you (or treat you) like a person that they value. Reminder - your worth is defined by YOU. If you are not being treated like you are worthy of whatever it is that you want, then it’s time to move on.

5. A person/situation has given up on you and/or not willing to put in the effort for your relationship to work or be mutually beneficial.

Step 3

Ok, so now we know what trash taking itself out looks like (well, above is just some examples, there are many more), next we are going to discuss how those situations ARE the actual action of taking themselves out of your life - because I know y’all are probably thinking that you have experienced those situations, but the people and circumstances are still in your life. Well… that’s the point of this step - It’s to help you see that unacceptable behaviors from people/situations in your life is the TRASH. And that trash takes itself out when it crosses your personal boundaries.

Think of it like this - your personal boundaries are rules that you set to protect your peace, keep your mental wellbeing in check, and expand your happiness. So, in situations where people/circumstances are not respecting your personal boundaries - YOU have to decide that this behavior and those experiences are unacceptable to you. YOU have to value yourself and your worth with such high esteem that you, without any hesitation or second thought, will NOT tolerate unacceptable, hurtful, undeserving, disrespectful, or traumatizing behaviors. And when you cherish yourself and your experiences in this way, you will see how easily people/situations expose themselves as undeserving of YOUR presence and energy.

See, the thing that makes letting things and people go a little easier is evolving your own mindset. It’s regarding yourself with high esteem and demanding/accepting NOTHING less than honorable treatment that is in alignment with who you are, who you want to be, and what you want in life.

You literally evolve to a point where you have zero desire to engage with people/situations that are not worthy of the pure love and energy that you offer. You are no longer attracted (nor attracting) to negative emotions, experiences, and people. Then, you’ll start to see certain relationships and scenarios falling out of your life. - And that is the trash taking itself out.

Letting go of things and people gets easier when you value yourself properly.

‘Hope this helped you.

Love you, mean it.

Breezy Phoenix